One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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