they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
