peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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