I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
