Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
