so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
