At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize