I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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