Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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