last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
