do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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