Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
