I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Welp...herpes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
