Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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