yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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