I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
