Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
where am i from again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
