He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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