dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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