and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
