Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
