i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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