I want to walk on stilts...naked
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
