tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
