is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
