he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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