She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
