you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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