I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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