I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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