At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
