i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
