I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize