Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
