The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she told me i tasted like america
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
