I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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