i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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