Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
