So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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