Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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