you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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