ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
