Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
