Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
