You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
