I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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