You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
