After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize