I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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