you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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