i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
