So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
