I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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