Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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