Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize