You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
