I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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