So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
