dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
