I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
