kristin has been a bad kristin
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
