OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
operation harelip BJ is a go
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
