You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
