i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
