If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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