I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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