I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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