It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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