Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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