I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
