so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
