Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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