I think i peed on brittanys purse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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