i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
