ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
