I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
