almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
