so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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