and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So squirting runs in the family.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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