i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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