We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize