Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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