If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
