Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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