oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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