he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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