I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
