Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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