kristin has been a bad kristin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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