so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
