ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
